Decades of Dreams - The Legacy of my Longing

2/11/84: Ocean Sweeping in Colored Gems; Swallowing Them; Venting Anger

I am in a setting that is on the beach. I see that the ocean is sweeping in huge amounts of quartz crystals. I can see that far down the shoreline is a large bed of purple quartz crystals that people can just go down and gather up.

It seems as if there is a limited time period in which this occurs and that I have missed the chance to get the purple because they are almost swept away now.

Closer to me is a bed of small, round, colored crystals (gems?) that look just like colored jelly beans. I go to scoop these up and as I do I put them in my mouth and eat them as I go along. I am astounded at the abundance of these treasures and how the ocean is just sweeping them in for free at our feet.

On my way to the beach (?) I stop by a room, sort of like a classroom, where a woman is. I am angry at her for some reason and I know that I must tell her and vent the anger. I say something like: "You are the coldest person I know!" and I really let her have it.

The venting feels purifying for me...I feel a release as I let it empty out of me.

2/7/84: Escorts and Showers

1) Tiny memory of walking next to Nick (co-worker, newspaper editor) and having him extend his arm to me, as an escort would. I say something like: "Do you want me to take your arm?"

2) I am at my mother's house (although it is a new setting I believe it is hers) and I am waiting for Michael H. to arrive. I want a shower, and I am spending many minutes trying to figure out if I should leave the front door unlocked for him while I shower. I think to myself that maybe he would join me in the shower.

Feb. 6, 1984: Reflections and Snapshots of Self Love in a Desert Cabin

(Age 25. After committing to rebirthing sessions.)

I am inside a small house or cabin out in some foreign land. It could be desert-like.

I like the interior because it is full of little interesting objects, like my apartment. I feel fascinated and at home.

I seem to be sitting in some kind of cart (like a golf cart, almost), driving through the house.

I notice a mirror on the wall, next to a window. I see how beautiful I look in the mirror.

I try to take a picture of myself in the mirror.

As I do this, the owner of the house appears outside the window, next to the mirror. She is a young woman about my age.

She then comes inside the house and I think my Grama Emma is inside with us now.

I say something to Grama like: "Don't you just love her? She is so much like me." in reference to the home owner.

Next we are still inside the house and Laura Wolf is present, standing above the kitchen sink.

Someone is talking about Larry Lee. We are told that he took Rori on his last trip ("Mammoth" I think to myself) and that it is very apparent that he is a liar.

We all agree and I look at Laura Wolf who is nodding her head, "yes". I feel that Laura's agreement is important since she had such a good picture of him. I am glad she is open to the truth and changing her impression of him.

Feb. 4, 1984: Moving to a new apartment with a woman friend; Fish in pool frighten me.

**This appears to be the earlierst documented dream I saved in storage all these years. It came 8 months after my June of 1983 Basic Conference with Brugh Joy at the Institute of Mentalphysics, Joshua Tree, CA. I was 25 when I began my work with Brugh, compelled to seek him out after reading "Joy's Way". I attended the New Year's conference 83/84 at Asilomar with Brugh and David Spangler and the seed was planted to move to Monterey Peninsula from Santa Barbara, where I'd lived since going to UCSB in 1975, graduating in 1979. The dream is typewritten on a thin sheet of paper.

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(After a renewed commitment before sleep to observe dreams and be open to them again).

I am in an apartment, upstairs, rather modern, with a woman friend. We are discussing our impending move to another apartment. I think how interesting that I am living with someone else, and have some reservations and hesitations.

She tells me that the move will not occur until the 17th of this month (my (26th) birthday.)

I express reservations because the move means we will no longer live next door to some men, one of which I am attracted to. I do not want to leave this close proximity to him.

Then I am surveying the new living sight (sic). I pass by a tennis court and say: "Oh, a tennis court." My locomotion seems to be a glide instead of a walk.

I then glide by a large, long pool - a swimming pool. The water looks clean and shining. I am very excited by this scene. I verbalize my excitement about the pool. The woman says to me: "I showed you that there was a pool on the map (or blueprint) of the new place." As if I had not heard her or paid attention.

 

Then I am standing above the pool, perhaps from a diving board's vantage point. I look down and see that the pool has pieces of debris in it. I then notice two species of rather large fish. I know that they are koi (some black) and large angel fish. This frightens me and I no longer want to be in the water for I fear that the fish will surround me and that I will bump up against them as I swim through.

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2/21/11: In the synchronicity file, while working with themes and dreams of dark and light/holding the tension of opposites (and frog images!) with, let's just say, a renewed interest over the last few weeks, I looked out my bedroom window on 2/18/2011, three days ago and just one day after my 53rd birthday, to see this sight:

This was before I had any idea what the first re-transcribed dream in this blog would be. The light one appeared to be a female based on how aggressively the male was courting her. She fled the scene when the second dark male showed up. Now there are three dark males out there! You gotta laugh.

 

Parents' Plane Goes Up in a Puff (early childhood)

My earliest recallable, repeating dream:

 I am standing on a dirt patch of land in Palms Park, the park next to the home I occupied from age 3 to 13.

I look up into the air to watch a plane that carried both of my parents evaporate and disintegrate into a puff of smoke.

I was left in despair and terror, the abandoned, grieving, panic-stricken, orphan child.

 While I'm tempted to say: "This dreams speaks for itself", 45 years or so after first experiencing it, I'm even more tempted to say: "This dreams speaks for everything else that will now follow."